Book Review: Van Dyke, What About Her?
Dr Elisabeth Horst, licensed psychologist practicing in Minneapolis and member of the ISTI Board, is the guest reviewer.
Van Dyke, Beth, What About Her? A True Story of Clergy, Abuse, Survival, Mukilteo, WA: WinePress Publishing, 1997, 144pp, $9.95 (ISBN 1-57921-000-7).
A rule can tell us that a certain behavior is wrong; a theory can tell us why that might be so; but only a story can make us feel the actual harm done. Beth Van Dyke's straightforward first-person account of sexual victimization by her pastor shows, rather than tells, the devastating emotional impact of clergy misconduct. Churches and other communities of faith cannot continue to tolerate sexual misconduct, and subtly encourage clergy offenders, if enough people listen well to stories like this one.
A happily married, actively involved Church member, Van Dyke sought counseling from her pastor after suffering for years from intrusive obsessive thoughts and ritualized compulsive behaviors. The charming pastor promised that he could help her and, over time, gradually sexualized the relationship. Van Dyke, trusting his promise and desperate for help, went along even though her own behavior baffled her. The gift of Van Dyke's unflinching account is that it details the terrible emotional cost to the victim of this kind of misconduct. We see how the caresses that at first make her feel special quickly make her feel ashamed; we feel the double bind of the tell/don't tell trap; we understand from the inside the emotional power a selfish and manipulative pastor holds over a vulnerable and conventionally well-behaved woman. Finally, we share Van Dyke's anger and deep sense of betrayal as, having heard the story, other members of the congregation attend to the pastor's needs but not hers.
This is the kind of book that's helpful to have on hand. The next time someone refers to a sexual relationship between a minister and a congregant as "an affair," or wonders why "that woman" can't just "forgive and forget," you don't have to roll your eyes and gear up for a lengthy explanation. Just hand over your copy and say, "I'd like you to read this." EH