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Are You Listening?
Reprinted by permission of insideout JHU Education for Health & Wellness Center, Fall 2000
Many people problems are the result of miscommunication. Communicating is a two-way process. While it obviously involves speaking; it is the listening part that gets us into trouble... And it's often the more difficult skill in being a good communicator. Are you guilty of any of the following Listening Errors?
Editing: Hearing only what you want to hear: Rehearsing: Thinking about what you want to say while the other person is still talking. Daydreaming: Letting your mind wander. Personalizing: Relating everything the person is saying to your own life. Switching: Changing the subject as soon as the person stops speaking.
If you find yourself committing these errors, work on listening actively. A good listener is able to repeat what the other person said and understands that person's feelings about the subject. Using phrases that assess whether you heard correctly can help: "What I heard you say was... Is that right?" "You sound as if you're feeling frustrated." Becoming a good listener takes time, patience, and practice. It's worth the payoff: better relationships!
Why we don't hear others
If you want to listen so you really hear what others say, make sure you're not a:
- Mind reader. You will hear little or nothing as you think "What is this person really thinking or feeling?"
- Rehearser. Your mental tryouts for "Here's what I'll say next" tune out the speaker.
- Filterer. Some call this selective listening - hearing only what you want to hear.
- Dreamer. Drifting off during a face-to-face conversation can lead to an embarrassing "What did you say?" or "Could you repeat that?"
- Identifier. If you refer everything you hear to your experience, you probably didn't really hear what was said.
- Comparer. When you get sidetracked assessing the messenger, you're sure to miss the message.
- Derailer. Changing the subject too quickly soon tells others you're not interested in anything they have to say.
- Sparrer. You hear what's said but quickly belittle it or discount it. That puts you in the same class as the derailer.
- Placater. Agreeing with everything you hear just to be nice or to avoid conflict does not mean you're a good listener.
Source: The Writing Lab, Department of English, Purdue University, 1356 Heavilon Hall, West Lafayette, IN 47907.
*For additional information please refer to: http://www.briefings.com